REAL LOVE

So you've found someone to love. Fabulous! Whether it's been siz days, six weeks, six years or longer, you want to make it work and for this relationship to be the one that lasts and grows stronger and better every day. That's why today, at the very beginning, you need to take a look at what love is and what it means to you. Love is discussed constantly and much has been written about it. But what is it? We may see images of hearts and flowers, talk of romance and excitement, joy and passion, but although love can include all these things, they don't explain what it is.

Some things love isn't

• Chasing after someone who doesn't really want you.
• Letting yourself be smothered, hurt or put down.
• Trying to mould yourself into something you think you should be.
• Always going along with what your partner wants.
• Bouncing continually between highs and lows, excitement and tears.
• Presenting only the 'acceptable' part of yourself to someone.
• Drama, gossip, pretence or flattery.
• Staying with someone to avoid being alone.
• Shunning real closeness and intimacy.
• Tryingi ito fix someone or have them fix you.

If you are doing any of the above, it's time to stop and review the relationship. This doensn't mean the relationship has to end, but you may need to try to do some things differently and see whether the relationship is strong enough to survive the changes.

Some things love is

• Letting your partner know the real you, wars and all.
• Taking the time and trouble to get to know him, wars and all.
• Growing and learning together.
• Respecting one another.
• Developing trust between you.
• Staying committed even when you want to run away.
• Liking your partner.
• Sharing fears, doubts, hopes and dreams.
• Taking responsibility for yourself.
• Accepting what you don't like in your partner as well as what you do.

Think about the relationship. How many of the above are true for you and your partner? What strengths and weakness does the relationship have? Are there changes you need to make in yourself? What would you like to change about the way the tow of you are together?

Be wise about love and choose the path to real love