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Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Everyone been asking me are you ok? I will like to answer nothing...in fact sometimes I don't know how to tell and what I should tell?

Not in good mood these few days and decided to write something that in my thoughts since I'm resting at home tonight. The earliest day I've ever home since past 1 week. Same thing mentioned from my sis just now. sigh... Why I must make myself so tired so not free? However I admitted I'm enjoying my life but sometimes really too exhausted till feel like giving up esp when you are down and something happened not right....

After wrote and talked to friends I felt better...should not think too much then will be better? I've think too much I pressume. Do you find that whenever you are very very very tired and you tend to think something negatively....something make you feel very very very down?? Now I'm at this period. Whenever I'm very very very tired I will have depression...the consequences even made me felt no confident at all!

I'm not good in talking...not good in express myself...not good in interpret my meaning. I got this problem since young. I'm not used to talk to anyone since young. I'm the youngest in my family and way too young from my siblings. Parents too old also. They don't talk to me much. I used to keep everything to myself. I don't and donno how to tell what am I thinking and what I want. I'm lousy with that. Time goes by and adviced from friends, I've learnt to open myself to let go my feeling...try to tell what I wanna tell....it made me better and changing of myself. Is this call self evolution?

I think I can express much better thru internet. I can type more than I talk. Some of my friends might think that I'm dominant and can be a big sister. Know why? I'm the youngest and wish to have younger sister or brother. I'm too used to be youngest and pampered. Especially a small girl compare to all my siblings. I don't know is it call independant but since young all by myself. Help myself in the feelings, take care myself when everyone not at home. However I still think I was dependant when young.

Everyone will has a process of fell down and climb up again in their life. You may or may not learnt something from the lessons. I've learnt some but still not fully. Depends it is small or big matters. I can see myself better in certain aspect. I'm much better to control my temper. I've learnt not to persistent on something. Try to let go and look broader then you will feel better. I was a perfectionist (not sure now I'm still)...if yes may be certain aspect. When I can't do it then I'll not force myself. What I know now is try to be happy...enjoy the moments you have now. Enjoy as much as you can now. Don't regret when you look back.

While writing this entry and chatting with a girl friend and she inspires me one thing. Try not to expect too high then you won't get much disappointments. Not to compare who is good and who is not good. Try to see things from different aspects but not just one side. You only able to see surface but you don't know what is happening beneath? What you do should be yourself to answer it. It's your own decision and no one can decide for you. In the end no regret for whatever you've decided.

Keep telling ourself what is right what is wrong. What you want exactly? Will you regret? Don't compare. Further vision and broaden your heart....once a while you need some inspiration and something awaken you. Right?


Anonymous said...

Maybe you can try to be yourself more often. Be what you want and say what you want. What I think is that you worry too much about how others will think about you. If they are your friedns they will be able to know and accept you as who you are. As for how you want to express yourself, you have to have the courage to do so I guess. One cannot live their life just by being quite. What I think is if you want to be with that special someone, you should really take the oppurtunity to go for it. Love doesnt always come your way.ou don't want to spend your life alone do you? So I guess you have to make a move when it comes.

Tweets said...

Have to admit, being on this side of the gender, we think a lot. Sometimes I hope that I have a mindset of a guy. Let things be.

Me even worse, think way ahead of the future. Worrying about the outcome of the unconfirmed situations.

Tweets said...

Yeah, agree with anonymous.

jazz2dmax said...

YES! be yourself the way you are! everyone has their good & bad side... some might like it, some might not like it...who cares?! you can't change the whole person as you are now... you're unique person in your own way... same goes for each & everyone... & also me!! hahahah!!!

so, don't force urself to fake it or whateva it is... we love the way you are now!!!

stay happy girl!!! ;)