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Monday, November 17, 2008

Something Hit Me

Today a bit sad with the words that friends commented on me. The comments hit me badly. Made me think about it and yet I can't do anything. Yes, I know I'm getting older...I look old. I look 'chan' = haggard. You think I want meh? Ya I know I have the problem. I'm am trying very very hard not to look like this but fail and fail and fail. Don't put salt on my wound anymore ok! Don't how much efforts I tried, don't know how much money I spent, don't know how much ways I tried....but still the same. I will never look better but getting worst. =( super sad.... Always think myself big old fat ugly ducky. =( =(. Some more said I don't have boobs anymore. yayaya I know and all these while don't have also. What can I do? I don't wish to have bigger meh? Tried many methods also cannot. I really feel unhappy listen to those words. I really hope I can change it but trying too hard but no result at all. Useless for everything. I feel tired...tired of trying hard. Tired of meeting up other's ppl requirements. Tired of pleasing others needs. Although it is also part of my expectations and objectives...however...I'm a looser...never make it. Sometimes really want to tell myself...forget it bah...you will never have it...never be there. sigh...

I'm wishing now.....
A friend of mine said I'm greedy for my wishes. But I told that I never have it b4 so I wish to have it. Someone can do it for me. I wish to have a holiday with someone I like and spend a memorable time together. I wish someone loves me and will do something surprise me...something romantic enough to touch my heart...something that I can appreciate it. And the most important is someone can understand me...what I thought...what I need...
To me...may be a small thing you do I will appreciate also. Is the thought important. You should let me feel that I'm important to you instead I am just a substitute. When need then me...when don't need leave me behind. Do I have a space in your heart? Or your family most important? Tell me please....
What a silly wish. Never happen to me. I am not that lucky. pathetic huh...sigh again....
Sorry that I show my depression again =) Suppose want to sleep early tonight but failed again. May be old already cannot sleep much. no wonder I look older and older again. Accept it bah. Meant to be like this. haha. Doze off now...ciao

7 comments:

zarrien08 said...

Eh! siapa yg komen u macam tu hah?! Come I taruh dia cukup2!! hehe.. Shirlyn, next time if people said smth that hurt u, u said 'Ask me if I give a 'shit' on it!!' OR 'I don't give a damn on what u said!!' hik hik hik.. I learned from my experience ;p doesn't matter what people said, most important is what u feel about urself :) actually, I think u have something that not everybody has.. (eh! tak sedar pulak, panjang betul I kasi komen hehe..)

Shirlyn said...

some friends...may be meant to be good to me i think.
i tak berani cakap don't give a shit oh. sebab i tau mereka cakap betul :(

eh i suka u comment banyak banyak. not many comment here one. sien la.

~hushling~ said...

You have to feel good yourself to show ppl that you look good....I'm sure you can do it! Don't give up so easily...Ganbateh!

Shirlyn said...

trying my best now. however sometimes really fedup trying hard. no one appreciates also. n no result seen.

Old friend said...

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when sky is grey.

Jo said...

*No one can make you feel inferior without your permission* --- Eleanor Roosevelt, Former US first Lady.

Leonora Halim said...

having bigger boobs, nicer skin complexion or a rich boifren.. is NOT, i repeat IS NOT the key of happiness... STOP IT!!! i will not let you feel down about yourself bcoz if these tiny, silly, stupid, ridiculous things... heyyyy.... hell with them... who needs those kinda ppl... YOU are the key of your happiness... YOU will make yourself happy.. YOU will make all your wish list possible... STOP depending on others to make you happy...... again find it within you.. *hugs*