Torturing

I am having torturing situation now. Imagine someone you care, you love that contact with everyday out of sudden no more news. Stopped contacting you without letting you know what is happening. Is like walk out from your life. This kind of feeling is really killing. I hate seeing someone I care leave me alone especially with unknown reason.

I don't know what is happening. What can I do? Is it something that I did cause it? I tend to make mistake unconsciously and regret at later. I know I always screw what I am having. I cherish everything I had and I don't wish to loose it. However in the end I will loose it. Is it my fault or destined to be like this?

I'm not trying to be drastic or drama here. I know I'm too emotional. Some how I can't control it. Hate myself for doing it at the beginning and regret in the end. I've hurt many people in my life. I deserved to get more hurts from others. That's my pay. It just don't meant to be mine.

I've committed in it which I'm not suppose to. But I have no regret to commit even how hurt I am having now. You may say I'm silly but that's just me. Even I fall I still smile and glad what I had before. May be it became memories...but I still hope it is not. Hope it is real forever.

I AM SORRY to whom I've hurt or offended. Sorry may not enough. I can only do this as for now unless you give me a chance to pay for what I did.

It's torturing. It is never feel good. My heart scrambled. My mind locked in the very deepest dark room. When can I see the bright.

Hope my voice being hear by you.